Potty training is one of those subjects on which there are hundreds of opinions as to the when and how, so it can be a very confusing issue for parents - if it weren't difficult enough already. And can be even harder to deal with if you feel you're dealing with other people's disapproval, whether it's from your parents, your child's nursery or other mums. While the parental advice market is awash with techniques promising to potty train your toddler in x days or weeks, remember that the best approach will be one tailored to your own child's needs as an individual and at the time when she's ready and receptive to training. Here are a few pointers to get you started.
Is it time?While many experts say that you should wait until your child is at least 18 months to think about toilet training, and some say even longer, your parents may be insisting that you were toilet trained just as soon as you could walk. You probably know mums who had their babies out of nappies at fifteen months and mums who have put it off until their toddler is as old as three. So whose advice do you follow? Well, your parents probably aren't exaggerating all that much, as they most likely come from a generation that used fiddly terry squares and pins and nasty plastic overwraps that they had to wash in not terribly good washing machines. Back then, the incentive to get a baby out of nappies ASAP was pretty strong, particularly if the next child was on the way. These days, however, both cloth and disposable nappies are easy enough that the focus for finding the right timing is more on the child and, if anything, parental convenience often leans towards putting training off for a while.
The truth is that the 'right' age for potty training can vary greatly from child to child, and if you wait until your child appears ready for potty training you may find it is a far quicker and less frustrating process, and one that doesn't cause upset for your toddler.
Signs that your child is ready for potty training A few parents may wait with toilet training until their child comes and tell them themselves that they are ready to use the toilet, but most children will display signs of readiness for toilet training a long time before they come to you and say 'Mummy, I want to use the toilet now'. Signs include:
Being able to tell, or show you, when she's doing, or about to do a wee or a pooh
Showing an understanding that things (not just pooh) belong in certain places
Having words for wee and pooh
Staying dry for a couple of hours at a time
Having fairly regular bowel movements
Showing an interest in other people's use of the toilet An older child may also actually ask to use the potty or ask to wear normal underwear.
When NOT to potty train It's easier to say when it isn't the right time to start potty training, and that's when there's something else going on that could be a potential source of stress or disturbance for your toddler. It's not a good idea, for example, to start her off on toilet training just as you send her to nursery, when a sibling arrives, when there is a family bereavement or as you move house. And if your toddler resists the idea of using the potty it's best not to make it into an area of conflict, be ready to back off and give her some more time or make your approach more casual.
What you can do to prepare the ground Even before you think your child is ready to use the potty you can help smooth the way. From very early on you can talk to your baby naturally about wee and pooh, telling her what is in her nappy 'Oh, it's just a wee wee this time", so she begins to learn what wee and pooh are. Later, when potty time is getting a little closer you can get her used to the idea that wee and pooh belong in the toilet or potty. Get a potty ahead of when you think you need it - let her choose and even decorate her own potty if you think that will help - and tell her what it is and what it's for, but without making a big fuss about it.
To show her what the potty is for you can tip pooh from her soiled nappy into the potty and show her that that's where the pooh goes, and then let her see that you take it to the toilet and flush it away. Very soon if you ask her where you put the pooh from the nappy or potty she'll probably point you in the direction of the toilet door.
Start letting her watch as you, or other family members, use the toilet so that she can see it's completely natural and don't feel silly about explaining her that you're doing a wee or a pooh on the toilet - she may start handing you pieces of loo roll! You can let her get her potty out and sit on it while dressed to practice and you may be surprised by how quickly she sits on it and pulls straining faces pretending to do a pooh. Don't push this don't force her to sit on the potty.
Tips for getting started There are many techniques for potty training and different approaches work with different children, but here are a few ideas to get you started, as well as some of things it's best to avoid.
Dress her in clothes/nappies that make it easy for you to get to her nappies or, with older toddlers, choose clothes that she can easily manage to pull down herself. If it's warm enough to let her run around in her underwear or even the altogether some of the time, then that can make things even easier - the summer is usually an easier time to train than the winter
When you see that your toddler's doing a wee or a pooh, or if she tells you, ask her if she wants to use her potty - have it close to hand with wipes at the ready. Don't make a big panic about getting the potty out on time, if you're a bit late then you can tip the pooh into the potty to show her what the idea is
Talk to your toddler about being wet and dry etc. Talk her through what she's doing if you see that she's doing a pooh by her facial expression, 'you're doing a pooh now, aren't you? Shall we change your nappy when you've finished?'
If you know roughly when a pooh is due you can sit her on the potty and read a book or sing a song together while you wait for the pooh to arrive. It may help to have a particular book or song that is just for potty times. But don't sit her on the potty for too long - no more than a few minutes at a time - and don't hold her down on the potty if she wants to get off
Reward successful potty trips with enthusiasm and praise - some mums like to give a small treat for using the potty successfully
Go at your own child's pace: there's no reason why your child should be potty trained in a week or two
When it comes time to move your toddler into proper underwear have her come with you and choose her own if she's old enough to enjoy this. You'll need a big supply!
Try to be consistent. Once you have made the move from nappies to training pants or proper underwear, try to avoid switching back and forth between the two, as this may confuse her and set her back. You'll need to think about how you can keep as much consistency as possible when you're out and about or visiting.
Consider a travel potty for out and about. These fold up flat, have disposable liners and are fairly inexpensive. This can save you the panic-stricken search for a grown-up toilet when your little one needs to 'do potty'.
Accidents will happen during potty training and it's best not to make a fuss about them and certainly not to punish or chastise your toddler when she does have an accident. Be prepared by having clean up things and spare clothes with you at all times so you can clean up quickly without making it traumatic for her.
Set a good potty routine from the off by showing her how to wipe properly and hygienically and how to wash her hands properly afterwards.
By Maria Meunnich
